


Fourth of July

by caplanbuckybarnes



Category: Marvel
Genre: M/M, Military Background
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 06:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17441879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caplanbuckybarnes/pseuds/caplanbuckybarnes
Summary: Matt struggles to find peace





	Fourth of July

_You and I were, you and I were fire._

_You and I were, you and I were fire._

_You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fire)_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were_

_you and I were fire, fire fireworks_

_that went off too soon_

“I wish you died in the war, you piece of shit!” Matt throws a lamp shade in the direction of where he knew Steve was standing with balled up fists. Neither of them could tell the other where it went all wrong. One minute, they were madly in love with one another, the next, they were attacking each other with whatever object was closest to their hands.

It was sad, really, the used to be madly in love. There was a time where they seemed to be attached at the hip, one never being seen in public without the other.

_And I miss you in the June gloom too_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were,_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you’ll never know_

_Where the bridges I have burned never really led home_

_On the fourth of July_

The pair were introduced by mutual friends during the fourth of July- Steve’s 23rd birthday, actually. A mutual friend of theirs (aka Clint Barton) had introduced them after learning that they were both single and were up and ready to find love once more.

They almost instantly fell in love with each other, learning of each other’s disabilities and learning each other’s favorite foods. Despite Matt being blind, Steve learned quickly that his accuracy and talent in the kitchen were one in the same. If Steve hadn’t been told that his boyfriend was blind, he never would have believed a goddamn word.

_I’ll be as honest as you let me_

_I miss your early morning company_

_If you get me_

Then one day, Steve had signed up for the military once again. Matt knew if his best friend dying in the previous war. He knew that Steve might not come back home for months or even years this time around. But Matt promised he’d wait. He’d send letters every other day.

_You are my favorite “what if”_

_You are my best “I’ll never know”_

_Oh, I’m starting to forget_

And for the first year after Steve was shipped out, everything went well. But then it wasn’t. Matt fell into a depression. He tried everything to calm his heart and mid. But nightmares and night terrors kept him awake a night.

Just what summer ever meant to you

What did it ever mean to you?

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it

After their second anniversary, Steve was able to come back home. At first, everything was great and dandy. The couple fell back in love with each other, repeating their first adventures together; going on dates every other day and spending nights in the apartment watching movies and having pillow fights. But Matt realised soon enough that Steve suffered from extreme PTSD.

I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa

In between being young and being right

You were my Versailles at night

Whenever an ambulance or police sirens were heard cruising down their street, Steve would stand stock still. When summer came back around, and their third anniversary came about, Steve refused to come out of the bathroom.

Matt didn’t understand, he couldn’t. He wasn’t in the middle of a war zone. He wasn’t there when he witnessed his squad being blown to smithereens in front of him. He wasn’t in charge of evacuating an entire village in search of traitors. He never stuck the barrel of his gun to an innocent man’s head and pulled the trigger.

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_That went off too soon_

So, the fights and arguments began, much to Steve’s fear. Matt had promised nothing would change between them. But even Steve knew it would; he was away for an entire year battling demons in the forms of human beings.

_And I miss you in the June gloom too_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were,_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you’ll never know_

_Where the bridges I have burned never really led home_

_On the fourth of July_

So, they fought over little things at first; a dirty sock left in the bathroom after a shower, the toilet wasn’t flushed, or even a fork in the sink. Then, Matt started spending time away from home, leaving Steve alone in the apartment.

_My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars_

_Again and again ‘til I’m stuck in your head_

Matt blamed his work habits; he was a working man and with Steve being away for so long, he picked up hours at work. He became a workaholic. He loved work too much.

_Head my downward spiral, never mind I’ll be drowned_

_And I’m the holy water you have been without_

_And all my thoughts of you_

_They could heat or cool the room_

_And now don’t tell me you’re fine_

_Oh, honey, you don’t have to lie_

_Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean any of it_

_I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa_

But Matt was truly terrified that Steve wasn’t actually home; that he was in a terrible nightmare and that Steve had died in battle. Matt was terrified that he was hallucinating. He loved Steve, yet, he couldn’t bare to be in his presence.

_In between being young and being right_

_You were my Versailles at night_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_That went off too soon_

_And I’ll miss you in the June gloom too_

_It was the fourth of July_

Four years into their relationship and Matt officially quit the heartache. He burned all of Steve’s pictures, as per his therapist’s request. He learned that the medication he was taking had caused him to have vivid day dreams, dreams that Steve was alive. That Steve had returned to him, and hadn’t died in combat with his squadron.

_You and I were_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you’ll never know_

_Where the bridges I have burned never really led home_

_On the fourth of July_

Almost five years had passed and Matt still felt the gentle caress of Steve’s touch as he slept and the blond man ran his fingers through his hair. He cried himself to sleep at night. He ached for the man he fought so ,hard to love. He ached for the man’s touch. He listened to the very last voicemail that Steve had sent him, claiming that he’d be home in the next three weeks.

_I wish I’d known how much you loved me, hmm_

_I wish I cared enough to know, um, hmm_

_I’m sorry every song’s about you_

_The torture of small talk_

_with someone you used to love_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were_

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_That went off too soon_

_And I’ll miss you in the June gloom too_

_It was the fourth of July_

_You and I were_

_But next week never came for Steve._

_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

_I said I’d never miss you, but I guess you’ll never know_

_Where the bridges I have burned never really led home_

_On the fourth of July_


End file.
